Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Baby Angel

Not many people knew that I had a miscarriage before. It was between Tyger and Princess, basically we were trying for baby no 2 then. It was an exciting moment as we were happily anticipating this baby but I was overconfident. Why? you might ask.

Well, it was just 6 months after Tyger and I felt that it’s just another pregnancy… sab sab sui lah (easy peasy)! I proceeded to do everything as usual, never thought that I was pregnant and I should slow down. I was careless, kept thinking that my body was strong enough since I have properly ‘pou’ (nourished) after Tyger. Another pregnancy should be breezy. How wrong I was!

Alas, I started to bleed a little. I got panicky, went to see a GP. They couldn’t say much as they were not experts, only advising me to see my gynae. As the next appointment was in just a few days, we decided to wait until then.

Dr Goh, my gynae, was taken aback as he kept scanning around my tummy. I was 3 months along then. After awhile, he had to finally concluded that I had lost the baby! Both Hubby and I were devastated! I just couldn’t believe my ears! I felt as though I was in a nightmare, on zombie mode throughout Dr Goh’s explanation and advice. I  was told to do a D&C and had to be hospitalized for 2 nights. It was Christmas eve 2002.

After D&C, I was warded with other happy mothers which added more salt to the despair, the wound deepened, hurting more. I was snappy especially on Christmas day when this idiotic of a husband was complaining non-stop of the doctor enforcing his wife to opt for c-sect, claiming that the doctor was actually rushing off and wanting to make extra money. Hallo!!! Your wife and baby’s life were in danger! How can you simply blame the doctor??? Are you medically capable to decide for your wife??? He was such a selfish bastard, kept thinking of that extra RM2 – 3k cost! WTF!!! Here I am, on the next bed, baby-less!!! Pfft!!!

Anyway, after conceiving Princess, the zombified, empty feeling subsided but through the years, it does return, on and off. Like last night, I couldn’t sleep thinking of Baby Angel. Yes, we decided to name this baby, Baby Angel. If only I had not been overconfident, acted like a demonfied bitch, Baby Angel would still be alive. Sigh! I practically treated my tummy with more care after I found out I was pregnant. I slowed down, moved with care gently, graciously day after day until Princess was born.

Ladies out there, mommies to be… honestly, never ever take things for granted! Or you will live to regret it forever!

P/S: If we were to have baby no 3, I do hope Baby Angel will reincarnate to be with us again.

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